hmm….

Time to start this post the same way all of mine start… i haven’t posted in a while… blah blah… picture…

I don’t think anyone really reads this and i have a journal so… the blogs been neglected a bit.

the last month has been very interesting… well, a bit crazy at least…

Just a warning… this is pretty much me writing as i’m thinking so its prolly not gonna make much sense or be very interesting…

Leading up to thanksgiving i think i was the most worried/broken i’ve been in the last 3 years… it was really wierd… just crazy finances, a wierd mood, and my crazy family all came together at once and some how at the end of it all, it was the best thanksgiving i’ve had… at least the best one i can remember.

What i realized afterwards is that i really need people… my family, my friends… everynow and then i keep everythign going on to my self and then it just builds to a moment where i’m forced to rely on other people… by then of course the situation is much worse than it would have been otherwise. pride + apathy = stupidity which sucks..

We had a meeting about the brazil trip last sunday and one of the things we did was go around the room and choose the things that were the character traits that were hardest for us and the ones we were good at… my best was patience and my worst was commitment… whats odd is that up until that moment i always thought i was very commited to things… the more i thought about it though, the more i realized how little i really am.

I’m very loyal but not very committed… let me explain. The things i’m committed to I’m also very loyal to, the problem is that I over commit my time and energy to too many things, and because I feel the need to stay loyal to all of them I never let them go. Add to that my tendency towards laziness and what you end up with is tons of unfinished tasks, goals either not set or not met and lots of other things.

As odd as this sounds(typing sounds normal to me and reading makes no noise)… I had honestly never thought about that at all. I generally don’t think when I divide out my time for things and its just all kinda happens… no plan, just happens. All of this actually relates back to my last post which was a month ago about having no consistency in anything day to day.

Its almost like I’m ADD… who knows maybe I am, or maybe I drink too much dr. pepper and hot chocolate for my own good.

Last weekend, my server harddrive died… which really sucks b/c a new one will be 140 bucks, but at the same time its really cool to see how when i do actually plan out something make it work the way it should, things work out ok. I repartitioned my server and desktop last spring and as a result, when the drive died (because of the way it died) I didn’t loose any data… none of my pictures, blog stuff, linux config stuff, code, email… nothing. Had I still had it setup the other way pretty much all of it would be gone.

More recently, my boss has given me light development tasks which have been scripting (light coding) and server transition stuff… the other day I was working on it and for the first time in a while got into a zone where i just coded and worked for 4 hours… no distractions, just coded and tested and did some awesome work… its been way too long since i’ve used my brain like that. I’m excited about school next semester… it will be a challenge again and so long as I apply my self, I’ll be fine and busy (the good kind where you dont’ feel lazy, not the bad kind where life sucks)…

…speaking of school I got my acceptance letter today… so now I have two… and a dismissal letter… I’m thinking about framing all three in order, adding a forth frame for my diploma with a giant ? in it and hanging them in my room… partly as motivation, and partly b/c i think it would be funny.

That is all, I’ll stop rambling now… I’m not a writer… more of a streamer of my conscious thoughts and punctuation, especially dots… i like them… alot.

Enjoy the random pictures… they’re from my random hikes, road trips, and the ones from the prom…

Also, what do you call “…” is there a real name for it?? because I’ve always just called it “dot dot dot”.